Review Rewind

DEAD ISLAND (XBOX 360)

 

Trapped on a resort Island that’s inhabited with hordes of the undead, drivable vehicles, leveling up… did I mention zombies?! Sounds awesome right? WRONG!

Dead Island had an awesome trailer, remember? The trailer showcases a family on vacation when the outbreak takes place and it is very emotional. The trailer also featured a really great song (that’s never played during game play ONCE) and it really looked like Dead Island was going to make a more sophisticated zombie game. But it saddens me to report that the actual game is almost NOTHING like the trailer.

The game starts with a video shot through the perspective of some high/drunk asshole (Charlie Sheen?) wandering about the resort stumbling into people and generally pissing people off and even stealing some poor dying girls medication right off the bathroom floor, all the while some ridiculous rap song called “Who Do You Voodoo Bitch” pumps in the background.

It was at this point in the game that I suspected I had been lied to and led astray by the trailer. But I decided to continue playing. After the video is over the game demanded I pick between four of the most retarded characters I have ever seen. Your options are as follows:

1-Worthless Asian hotel desk clerk
2-Ex-Red Neck Football player with a bum knee
3-Washed up rapper responsible for the “Who Do You Voodoo” bullshit of a song. This guys is probably the most laughable, he has a doo-rag on and a full on leather trench coat. (Morpheus? Lawl.)
4-Foxy Cleopatra

I decided to go with the football player because the others were just too ridiculous to even be considered. I want to stress that the first 10 minutes of the game are the best out of the entire campaign. You really feel a sense of urgency to get the hell out of that hotel and meet up with the other survivors and there are a few surprises waiting for you before you leave. But after you meet up with the other survivors it becomes clear what you are going to be doing for the next 15 hours.

The main objective is to get off the island and everyone who has survived aside from you might as well be dead. These people cant do fuck for themselves. You have to feed them, bring them water, bring them cars, you name it they need it and that’s all you do. Some of the worthless bastards even make requests like “can you bring me a bottle of champagne”. They should have given you the option to kill off the especially annoying survivors and use them as meat bags to distract the zombies. Not that you really need to distract the zombies, they are no challenge at all.

I was given a variety of weapons to choose form in D.I. but the best one by far was my characters own right foot. For some reason my single foot could send multiple zombies flying backwards through the air, even though he had a supposedly “bum knee”. LIES!!!

BOTTOM LINE: I’m not really convinced Dead Island knew what it was suppose to be. It had potential for greatness but after all the back tracking and babysitting the other survivors it wound up playing more like an M Rated Nintendogs.

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