Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence (Spirit of Shit)

Oh My Fucking God.

I’m not going to lie. I know nothing about Ghost Rider, and I did not see the first one. Maybe because I value my time too much to give any portion of it to watching a flaming skeleton on a Harley, actually that sounds cool. I guess I value my time too much to spend any of it watching Nicolas Cage’s shitty films.

This is probably the worst trailer I have seen yet. Sure you can pick apart low budget movie trailers, but I really think it is something special when a movie like Ghost Rider comes out with something as foul as this.

The trailer opens with Nicolas Cage saying “There is good and bad in all of us. It doesn’t matter how far you run, there are some demons you just cant escape.”  Well, he is right there, because it seems like every time I turn around Cage’s receding hairline is plastered on some movie poster staring down at me. This asshole is everywhere! I am sure the comic book is way better than this fucking movie, or at least I hope it is.

In this new addition to the Ghost Rider diarrhea platter, Cage is trying to save some little 11 year old bastard that the Devil is trying to turn into the Anti Christ. The guy who is playing the devil is not dressed up as your conventional Underworld leader. He does not have horns or a tail, instead they covered him in some white powder and made him look like a dried up dog turd.

Cage teams up with the boys 20 something mother (they are from Florida) and together they hope to stop the Devil’s evil plan. Apparently if Cage saves the little bastard from the Devil his curse will be broken and all will be well with the world. The whats followed is a bunch of car explosions, fire, Cage saying things like “HELL YES” and “He will destroy whatever is coming”. What I don’t understand is where are all these Cadillac’s coming from with machine guns attached to them? I guess the Devil owns a bunch of car dealerships. Another thing, why are all of the devils henchmen dressed like fucking ninjas? At one clip Cage is attacking some ninja shooting a turret attached to an escalade. WhatTheFuck?

The trailer reaches its lowest point when we see Cage in full flaming skull attire standing in front of a small group of troops. One man in the group decides to unload an entire clip of ammo at Cage who in turn opens his flame fucking mouth and swallows all of the bullets in a ball of fire and then spits them back out. HOLY FUCK. I feel like I should be listening to Mega Death when I am watching this trailer. Then after that there is a clip of him flipping a car over his head with one of his chains and then flame skulls mutters “ROAD KILL.” Glorious.

I cant believe people will pay to go see this film and not donate one dollar to those poor little Ethiopians chewing on twigs and playing in their own shit.

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3 thoughts on “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence (Spirit of Shit)

  1. Your last sentence has summed up how I have felt about everything ever. Thank you.

    This was hilarious to read, yet sadly true. It all sums up why I only go to the movies once or twice every year.

  2. A guy who turns into a skeleton with flames shooting out of his head seems to be a recurring theme. Richard Pryor tried it, and of course Daffy Duck, but they only tried it once. Nicholas Cage seems to be able to do it several times in this movie.

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