A couple of weeks ago my local Blockbuster finally shut down and closed their doors for good. So I decided I would do a post telling you, the reader, about some of my very own personal experiences with Blockbuster.
Did you know that I was a former Blockbuster employee? YES I WAS! But my career as a Blockbuster Movie clerk was short-lived, after a couple of weeks of their bullshit I got right the hell out of there but I still continued to occasionally rent a movie or game from there. Hey, nobody is perfect. From an insider’s perspective, I really am not that surprised they went out of business. The amount of lies we would tell our “guests” was unbelievable. It was like we all traded in our morals for that blue and yellow polo shirt. For a complete and VERY ACCURATE list of lies we all would tell consumers on a daily basis click HERE.
Another reason I believe blockbuster was doomed has to be those pathetic attempts at marketing campaigns. Whoever was in charge of these disgusting commercials should be brought out and given multiple paper cuts with Blockbuster Membership cards. Lets take a look at some:
1990 Blockbuster Kiddie Commercial
This one is obviously directed at the kids. But what the FUCK were they thinking. A group of four small children (ONE OF THEM BLACK TO SHOW EVERYONE, “HEY BLOCKBUSTER IS A GOOD TIME FOR ETHNIC GROUP!”) running, nay SPRINTING into blockbuster. No parents present, and these four kids must have been on some crazy drugs because they are chasing dinosaurs and riding in spaceships. Its fucking crazy. At the end of the commercial they introduce us to all of the characters in the cartoon, telling us their names and likes. I guess Blockbuster was thinking about making a cartoon series? That’s the only reason I can think that they would spend a good 20 seconds of their commercial time saying nothing about Blockbuster and telling us about the lives of this multiracial group of friends. Not the best way to spend paid air time.
1992 Blockbuster Commercial
Ahh, the good old days. You can tell Blockbuster thought they were hot shit around the time they made this commercial. The voice over tells us that “With over 10,000 movies to choose from in store, there’s no wonder Blockbuster Videos are popping up all over the country”. Fast forward 20 years and “with Redbox vendors offering only 1.00 rentals it’s no wonder Blockbusters are closing all over the country,” muahaha. This commercial really disturbs me. This little white suburban family is in a white room and then out of no were shit is coming out of the floor, movies are floating on the shelves, people are just appearing in the store with them, and the clerk is totally chill. She’s just behind the counter not giving a shit what happens.
1993 Blockbuster Christmas Commercial
In this one we see a Mom who is telling us “WOULDNT IT BE NICE TO GET YOUR SHOPPING ALL DONE IN ONE STORE, WELL AT BLOCKBUSTER YOU CAN FIND A MOVIE FOR EVERYBODY!” Yeah OK, who wants to be the asshole giving everyone one copy of Forrest Gump on VHS for Christmas? Blockbuster is not a place to get EVERYONE’S Christmas shopping done, you’re thinking of Macy or J C Penny or WALMART for fuck sake.
Carl and Ray 2000’s
Probably the best Blockbuster commercials ever made. This was still a few years away from Netflix’s rise to supreme power, and Blockbuster had some dough to spend. So they figured, why not spend it on some cgi. Plan sounds good, until they settled on making the new commercials be about a rabbit and a hamster that are just sitting across the street from a Blockbuster store in a very nicely kept cage inside of a pet store. AND NO ONE EVER BUYS THESE TWO ANIMALS. Where is Sarah Mclachlan when you need her?
Blockbuster was no where near as popular as it was before the emergence of Netflix, but my local store they knew they were really fucked when Redbox’s started popping up everywhere. Who in their right mind is going to pay a couple of bucks and walk into blockbuster when they could spend ONE DOLLAR, rent the movie, and then return it to ANY of the other 3,000,000,000 redbox locations the next day? AN ASSHOLE, THAT’S WHO.
Sorry Blockbuster but seriously how long did you think we were all going to rely on YOU for renting new release movies? 80,000 people live in my town and you got 40 copies of WAR OF THE WORLDS when it was released. You stupid assholes! Then you expect to make up for it being out by offering a ‘free classic movie rental’. Sounds great, I just drove 15-20 minutes out of my way to watch a new release movie that you didn’t have, but I shouldn’t be mad because you’re gonna make up for it by letting me pic a movie that’s 2-10 years old? ARE YOU GUYS OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS?!
Yes we are!
The list of reasons why Blockbuster is out of business just goes on and on. But at least now I will never have to return hangover 2, and to be honest I probably wouldn’t have anyway.