Facebook Review

Lets try something fun. Let’s review Facebook!

Since 2004 Facebook has been dominating our down time and ruining our relationships. But has anyone ever really reviewed it? I have looked online and I see that some people have reviewed the new features, but not the site as a whole. WELL NOT NO MORE!

Let’s break this shit sandwich up into 3 parts.

PART 1: The Journey Begins

When I was a sophomore in High School I was still using myspace. I loved it. I liked having THEMES and having a song play when people clicked on my page. I WAS IN LOVE. Friend Requests? Is there anything more empowering then having the ability to ACCEPT or DENY someone from looking at your shitty little free theme page and whiny emo music? No there isn’t. So I was not to eager to jump off of MySpace and into the book of face. I figured I had everything I needed and would never ever need a new social networking experience. But after weeks of peer pressure from friends to create a Facebook profile I succumbed and began LIKING and POKING.

I think we all forget how fucking horrible and disorienting going from MySpace to Facebook was in the beginning. Myspace had bulletins, no one was poking anyone, and we all had one friend in common. That DOUCHE Tom. How egotistical, how dare you automatically make me your friend Tom, you douche!

Facebook was a totally different beast. Right off the bat you want to start adding friends because who wants to be the loser without 3,000 friends? No one, that’s who. (And if you are one of those people who has 12 friends because you just “DON’T ADD PEOPLE YOU DON’T SEE AND TALK TO EVERYDAY” then you can promptly jump off the nearest bridge. No one does that because of some sort of moral system they have, you simply just do not have friends.)

Anyway. So you add the friends and you think “hhmm ok this is similar to Myspace” then became bored and said, fuck writing on walls and shit I am just going back to Myspace.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED? We were all completely satisfied with Myspace, we could listen to music and blah blah blah. But what made us change to Facebook? You know what happened, people started poking us, tagging us in photos, and we were able to see all of our friends status updates instantly from the home screen… and like a fungus this new format began to grow on us.

PART 2: My Parents are on Facebook?!

Where were you when you discovered your parents and grandparents had created Facebook accounts? MORE IMPORTANTLY, where were you when they sent you a friend request? Once we saw their profile pictures we all new it was over. Did we really want our parents seeing us in compromising photos and reading our self involved status updates? Did we want to know what our parents would be doing on a Saturday night? This is when we all had our first doubts about whether we should continue the Facebook love affair or end it before it turned into a scandal of Jerry Springer proportions.

But somehow Facebook held it together for us. They gave us the ability to select who we wanted to see certain parts of our profiles/status updates and that was great. Crisis avoided, and we all continued taking inappropriate pictures and posting status updates about our STD’s.

PART 3: Where do we go from here?

So far Facebook is untouchable. But Twitter is a big competitor. The question is, when will the next big social networking site blow us all away and make us want to stop using Facebook. Well, nothing like that has to happen for me to stop using it.

I am fucking SICK of Facebook. I am tired of being poked, I am tired of FARMVILLE, I am tired of seeing your relationship updates. In fact I am so fucking tired of Facebook that I created a BLOG for Christ sake. Ever since I have been able to start ‘hiding’ people’s status updates I have removed everyone from my update list. I know it has been said over and over again but, why do people use status updates to tell us all about you taking a shower? Did I miss the memo where we were all going to list our daily activities on FB everyday?

Is everyone so incapable of writing something witty that we have all resorted to just commenting on the price of mustard? The worst is when the Superbowl is on or some other major sports event. ENDLESS POSTS ON THE SCORE. Suddenly everyone is a sports anchor.

Maybe I am just nit picking. Or maybe I am right. Who knows? I don’t want a dislike button, I would like a STFU button.

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