There is no doubt that Human Centipede was a beautiful film. I, myself received a copy of it for Christmas 2 years ago. Up until that day I had heard rumors about this behemoth of a horror flick, but Christmas Day I got to see what everyone was talking about. Too bad the trailer just looks stupid.
It opens with two absolutely moronic bitches in a hotel room. The bitch with the curly hair is on the phone trying to get directions to a club, because even though they can afford to go on a eurotrip I guess they have no GPS and neither of them have a smartphone. UNLIKELY. But the dumb curly headed bitch hangs up on the operator because the other bitch receives a call on her cell. The girl tells this moronic friend on the phone “NO SWEETIE WE ARE IN GERMANY RIGHT NOW…. KAY BYE”. Why curly haired bitch who is suppose to be getting directions hangs up to listen to their phone conversation, we will never know. But this chick must be telepathic because as the other girl hangs up she screams “BYE AMY”. How did she know who was calling? FIRST OF MANY PLOT HOLES.
The two dumb bitches get lost, DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING, and then their tire goes flat. So the most concrete plan they can come up with for getting their car fixed is NOT calling for help, but instead running through the woods and finding some stranger to help them. Unfortunately for them (but fortunate for us), they wind up running to a psychopaths house and madness ensues.
The creepy doctor they find is less concerned with helping these fucking idiots out and more concerned with sewing asses to mouths. He drugs them and they wake up in a make shift hospital in this guys basement. He explains to them that he will create a Siamese triplet connected by the gastric system. May I add that these two are not chained to the bed, they are bound by leather restraints. I would escape that bed so easily or literally die trying. I’m not a magician but let me tell you, leather restraints are not too hard to get out of.
I’m glad I did not see this trailer before I saw the movie. It is horrible, but then again the plot is really horrible too. If it was not for the whole sewing a mouth to an ass thing, this movie is really nothing special.