I will not lie, when I was 16 I found the Twilight books in a shitty little book store and I loved them. I read them cover to cover and thought I would never find any book quite as magnificent. Then I grew wiser and immediately locked them away in the cave that is my closet, hoping no one would ever find them but not strong enough to discard them completely.
When I went through this period of loving Twilight I had no idea they would ever make a movie, so like an old boyfriend once I had put it behind me and began moving on Twilight shows up with a new wardrobe. I was a little interested until I saw the first movie. HORRIBLE. We all know what happened after that, so lets just forward to now and take a look at this retarded trailer. This is going to be pretty short because the trailer is only 49 seconds long and nothing really interesting happens.
The trailer opens up in the middle of Twilight Woods and Bella is running like a baby gazelle. Jacob makes a comment like “I didn’t expect you to seem so … YOU” in that nasally steroid modified voice of his. Then, there is a shot of Edward and Bella holding hands and Edward says “WE ARE THE SAME TEMPERATURE NOW,” which I’m sure is music to Bella’s ears because up until this point her sex life was parallel to what it would feel like to fuck a Popsicle and she also does not have to use her tampons as tea bags for Edward anymore. Finally her life can return to some normalcy.
The trailer closes with a scene of Bambi in the woods and fuck face Bella stalking it in the background, trying to look menacing.
Now, I am sorry… speaking as someone who USE to like these books I have to say that I have not really enjoyed any of these movies. New Moon was good, but I am biased because I love all of the bands on the soundtrack and that was a real draw for me. But other than that, come on, who fucking likes these movies? The books are really horribly written, the author says the word “beautiful” 198384738478374 times. Somebody needs to get Stephanie Meyers a thesaurus, but that could be over looked IF something ever actually happens.
SPOILER ALERT: No one dies, nothing happens, these books suck.
Even in Harry Potter some characters die. Not in this retarded series. Nothing happens, there is no conflict, no war, nothing. Fuck Twilight!