The Red Solo Cup

The red solo cup. As far as online celebrities go the red solo cup is an a lister. Look right now at every one of your friends on facebook and I am sure there is at least one picture of them holding onto one of these with a “duck face” or thumbs up to go with it.

What is it about the Red Solo Cup that has made it such a hit? Maybe its… THE PRICE.

Do we really want to buy 100 glass cups to be used by drunk/high guests at parties? No, instead we say “here take one of these fine bright red liquid docking stations, fill it with some cheap liquor and dollar store cola, and have an enchanting evening.” Well, maybe we don’t say it exactly like that but you get the picture. Not only is the red solo cup CHEAP but the red cup has the ability to conceal what is actually inside of the cup. This made it a HUGE hit will college students and high schoolers a like.

“WHATS THAT IN YOUR CUP YOUNG LADY,” says the meddling, nosey adult.

“Why, this is merely a plastic cup filled with Vitamin D milk” says the innocent and insanely drunk youth.

“I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! YOU HAVE FUN DRINKING IT OUT OF YOUR RED CUP”. SEE IT WORKS!

So the price is definitely an attractive point and the red cups ability to hide what is inside is even more attractive, but what made us all want to have red solo cups at our parties? A movie perhaps???? Just another example of how movies and the media has dominated your life without you even noticing it.

Sure make a movie with some stars who appeal to a younger crowd eagerly slurping on alcohol out of these little red cups and watch the sales go through the roof. In movies like ANIMAL HOUSE, AMERICAN PIE, and ANY teen movie you always see the cast at a party with a RED solo cup. This suggests why the sales of the RED solo cup are always extremely higher than any other color. Some say it is because RED is a neutral color that is liked by both men and women. But thats bullshit. If everyone in ANIMAL HOUSE was drinking out of black solo cups or blue solo cups or even ORANGE solo cups, so would we.

Don’t even try to be a trendy hipster and say “OH I ACTUALLY PREFER THE BLUE SOLO CUP.” Because FUCK YOU, YOU DON’T!

In Summary: We are all sheep, drinking bottom shelf liquor out of cheap plastic cups because it’s ‘cool’. Not me though, just you. 🙂

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Facebook Review

Lets try something fun. Let’s review Facebook!

Since 2004 Facebook has been dominating our down time and ruining our relationships. But has anyone ever really reviewed it? I have looked online and I see that some people have reviewed the new features, but not the site as a whole. WELL NOT NO MORE!

Let’s break this shit sandwich up into 3 parts.

PART 1: The Journey Begins

When I was a sophomore in High School I was still using myspace. I loved it. I liked having THEMES and having a song play when people clicked on my page. I WAS IN LOVE. Friend Requests? Is there anything more empowering then having the ability to ACCEPT or DENY someone from looking at your shitty little free theme page and whiny emo music? No there isn’t. So I was not to eager to jump off of MySpace and into the book of face. I figured I had everything I needed and would never ever need a new social networking experience. But after weeks of peer pressure from friends to create a Facebook profile I succumbed and began LIKING and POKING.

I think we all forget how fucking horrible and disorienting going from MySpace to Facebook was in the beginning. Myspace had bulletins, no one was poking anyone, and we all had one friend in common. That DOUCHE Tom. How egotistical, how dare you automatically make me your friend Tom, you douche!

Facebook was a totally different beast. Right off the bat you want to start adding friends because who wants to be the loser without 3,000 friends? No one, that’s who. (And if you are one of those people who has 12 friends because you just “DON’T ADD PEOPLE YOU DON’T SEE AND TALK TO EVERYDAY” then you can promptly jump off the nearest bridge. No one does that because of some sort of moral system they have, you simply just do not have friends.)

Anyway. So you add the friends and you think “hhmm ok this is similar to Myspace” then became bored and said, fuck writing on walls and shit I am just going back to Myspace.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED? We were all completely satisfied with Myspace, we could listen to music and blah blah blah. But what made us change to Facebook? You know what happened, people started poking us, tagging us in photos, and we were able to see all of our friends status updates instantly from the home screen… and like a fungus this new format began to grow on us.

PART 2: My Parents are on Facebook?!

Where were you when you discovered your parents and grandparents had created Facebook accounts? MORE IMPORTANTLY, where were you when they sent you a friend request? Once we saw their profile pictures we all new it was over. Did we really want our parents seeing us in compromising photos and reading our self involved status updates? Did we want to know what our parents would be doing on a Saturday night? This is when we all had our first doubts about whether we should continue the Facebook love affair or end it before it turned into a scandal of Jerry Springer proportions.

But somehow Facebook held it together for us. They gave us the ability to select who we wanted to see certain parts of our profiles/status updates and that was great. Crisis avoided, and we all continued taking inappropriate pictures and posting status updates about our STD’s.

PART 3: Where do we go from here?

So far Facebook is untouchable. But Twitter is a big competitor. The question is, when will the next big social networking site blow us all away and make us want to stop using Facebook. Well, nothing like that has to happen for me to stop using it.

I am fucking SICK of Facebook. I am tired of being poked, I am tired of FARMVILLE, I am tired of seeing your relationship updates. In fact I am so fucking tired of Facebook that I created a BLOG for Christ sake. Ever since I have been able to start ‘hiding’ people’s status updates I have removed everyone from my update list. I know it has been said over and over again but, why do people use status updates to tell us all about you taking a shower? Did I miss the memo where we were all going to list our daily activities on FB everyday?

Is everyone so incapable of writing something witty that we have all resorted to just commenting on the price of mustard? The worst is when the Superbowl is on or some other major sports event. ENDLESS POSTS ON THE SCORE. Suddenly everyone is a sports anchor.

Maybe I am just nit picking. Or maybe I am right. Who knows? I don’t want a dislike button, I would like a STFU button.